I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
