Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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