How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
