Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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