Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
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