I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
