It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
