i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
