UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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