u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
