chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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