Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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