Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
