So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
