The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
