"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
