HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize