No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
