I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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