You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
even my farts smell like vagina
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
