Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
