Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize