So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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