My Higher Power is John Stamos
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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