good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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