benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
