just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
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