why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize