He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize