omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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