she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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