soooo we both peed the bed last night...
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
