who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
