It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
