I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
