Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
