omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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