Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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