So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
