i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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