there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
