I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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