Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
