I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
