Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Randomize
