You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize