You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
