i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
