That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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