Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
