I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
