Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
