i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize