Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
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