I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Randomize
