after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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