Christians are straight up FREAKS
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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