He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize