no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
