Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
