I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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