You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I came so hard my ears popped.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
