How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Randomize
