Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
