I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
