I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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