he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
