i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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