i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
