it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
