You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
