i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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