My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
if only i could text you this smell
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
ok first of all what the fuck
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
