i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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