So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Randomize
