And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
