She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
only you would photoshop your dick
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You can't just leave with hair like that
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
