I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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