dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize