All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Houston, we have a squirter
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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