Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize