party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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