i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
