I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
