I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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