FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
