so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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