I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
