She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize