Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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