nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
