Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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