He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
