I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
fuck your aforementioned shoe
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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