It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
