the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I think people are normalizing furries
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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