I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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