it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
