I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
