Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
