i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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