Yo dont text me then not text me
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
your like the ambassador to my penis.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize