Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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