I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
