Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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