This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
